On Being Screwed

For those of you who know, I have a large, loud, annoying muffler on my car. If I am ever going to grow up, this must be removed.

So I went to Import Auto Tech, which is the local place that does all kinds of car stuff. The unfriendly people there told me it would be about $700 bucks to get the new parts and install them. I said no, I would rather be sodomized than pay $700 to make my car quieter.

I had my dad talk to a guy near his workplace in Santa Clara. He did not replace mufflers, but a friend of his, Joe, who runs a place called Joe's Muffler, was recommended.

Result - it is going to be about $215 dollars for everything, and it could be done quickly.

Moral: If someone is going to screw you to work on your tail-pipe, just walk away.

Well, I'm Drunk

So I'm drunk and its wednesday and I have nothing better to do...

ADVICE COLUMN

(1) Things that smell good are good things to have.

(2) Tim Lincecum should be left in for the full nine innings.

(3) Tom McGrath is smart man.

(4) So is Jess...

(5) If you give something time, it will work itself out.

(6) The toilet paper gnome keeps stealing our shit.

(7) Small bear traps are being placed around the house as a result.

(8) Make sure all the doors to your house close properly.

(9) MAJOR LAZER

(10) FELIX CARTAL

(11) BASSNECTAR

(12) If you're going to dress up as a woman, make sure that woman is Sheryl Crow.

(13) Go to Coachella sometime in your life, live a little, don't get convicted of any felonies.

(14) Eat a Guinea Pig and have a dream that you are a lion.

(15) Drink green tea with ginseng and honey.

(16) Drink green tea in general. Its methyl groups will insure that your DNA sequences retains its ability to fight incoming cancers.

(17) Hang out with Jonathan Buccola for an evening.

(18) Don't forget what is important to you.

(19) Love, always good.

(20) Don't try to convince a 5th grader that her views on religion and Catholicism are wrong.

Two Things - Including Vans

(1) To all my friends, this blog was not my idea. I do not like blogs as they allow a person's sense of self importance to expand exponentially. While my ideas may be important to me, I recognize that they may very well be meaningless to most of you. This blog is for a school assignment.

(2) Vans shoes - Anyone ever worn them? Of course you have. In the Vans store today I was again overwhelmed by the simplicity behind their shoes. Here is how Vans makes a shoe.

(A) Select shoe style - This isn't hard, there is only one style which is generally only slightly modified. The classic black and white is the original.

(B) Modify shoe style - Add color, two colors??? checker pattern??? Make it a slip on... make the heel just a bit higher.

(C) Cover entire wall with shoes - pleasing to the eye.

These three steps are well and good, but there is a fourth crucial step to making a Vans shoe.

(D) Ensure the shoe falls apart. I don't know how Vans has not corrected this yet, as it is by far the most irritating aspect to any shoe ever designed. The part where the fabricy top meets the plasticy sides is always doomed to fail. Be it a hole, peeling back plastic, general separation - these shoes are terrible when it comes to maintaining their original design and form.

In the end, for this reason, Vans are terrible shoes. Not only do they fall apart, but there is no actual support for your foot. Ergonomically speaking, vans are probably terrible for your feet, and you'll always be frustrated that they are falling apart. But with 1 style in so many colors, who can resist?

The Sun

Often taken for granted, the sun is without a doubt the most essential part of life. Without the sun there is no gravity to hold us in place, no heat and warmth, no photosynthesis, no plants, and thus no food for anyone to eat. It has a diameter of 865 thousand miles (earth is about 8 thousand). It produces heat by constantly mashing up hydrogen and turning into helium, a feat we have only discovered in the last 60 years or so. It makes up almost 99.99 percent of the solar systems total mass, and has enough gravity to keep neptune floating in orbit... and neptune is only 2.7 billion miles away. These are the least of the sun's fantastic properties.

Everything is somehow better when its sunny. Take for example last Wednesday, sunny and about 65 or 70 degrees. That was the best day of your week - all because of the sun. There is no doubt that the sun affects not only your physical warmth but your psychological warmth as well. There is even a study out there showing that people conversing with others while holding a warm drink rate the other person as more friendly, hospitable, and generally "warm" than when holding a cold drink. Does the sun's warmth affect you? Absolutely.

I can already imagine being in shorts, generally sticky from sweat, eating ice cream, praying for a breeze, utilizing the park centrals pool e.t.c. I love the following things: Beaches/water, milkshakes, beer, barbecued stuff, baseball, hiking, laying around on grassy areas just to lay around on grassy areas, slurpees, not shoes, warmth, open windows - all of those things come around when the sun is out.

I love the sun. Every time you look at the sun, think about the sun, or are in the sun, remember how fantastic it is.

Chumps at Restaurants (Valentines Day)

Hey restaurants on Valentine's Day, wt f*ck. You feel the need to charge people inflated prices for a lack of choice in the substandard food they will be eating.

Often, there are 2, maybe 3 things on the menu. You get a small dessert, small salad, and some "good" wine - but how can we really trust it is good wine, no one knows anything about wine.

It seems that restaurants can't wait to get in on the screwing that takes place on valentine's day.

Valentine's day is often full of pressure for men, buying flowers, making reservations, remembering its valentine's day, acting "mature", wearing nice clothing, these things add pressure and that sucks when restaurants add even more pressure by making us men pay ridiculous amounts for food, and drink...

Example: Moroccos - normally, plates are 13-17 dollars. This means, an appetizer, two plates, wine, and dessert should cost somewhere around $60-$70. They want me to pay $50 dollars per person - Are you f*cking joking. That is almost double what it would normally cost to eat there, and the only reason they can do this is because its Valentine's day and that most men aren't creative enough to think of a date that doesn't include restaurant and movie.

Are the movie theaters increasing their prices on valentines day? Is it now $30 per person including popcorn and drink? I think not... Stay strong movie theaters, you are our financial haven on valentines day.

The things that sucks too is that we don't really have a choice, a date to a restaurant on valentine's day is expected.

I forget what my point is except, f*ck Moroccos I am not going there on Valentines day, maybe saturday instead.

The Gym

There are few venues that are more interesting for watching people than at the gym. There are many quirks and strange things that take place here - I intend to document.

(1) People who "work out."

You will often see these people at the gym, and you yourself may be one. You probably know if you are. These people are usually found on a stationary machine that allows them to "exercise" for a long amount of time. Usually, the machine is set on "high" resistance and the individuals on the machines are "sweating." These people are also "reading" their favorite book or "studying" for a class - and they may even be "listening" to music. They may do this for 30 minutes or so. Afterwards, they will probably tell you that they had a great "workout" at the gym.

(2) The drinking fountain

What is the deal? One person at a time only seems to be the rule - and the one that is higher up is clearly the superior drinking fountain - even though it somehow becomes frequently broken. I don't know how this rule got started, but I know that 98% of people are susceptible to it, myself included.

(3) The bullshit on the gym televisions

NO ONE WANTS TO WATCH CNN WHILE THEY ARE WORKING OUT. It is not motivational. Once, there were people on t.v. running on treadmills in a competition - looking tired as shit. That was motivational. The sight of Wolf Blitzer's strange facial hair and excited reporting about absolutely nothing relevant does nothing to motivate me to work out. If anything, I question my need to work out, as someone who is clearly out of shape is exponentially more successful than I will ever be.

(4) People at the front desk

Show some cheer, please - Your life isn't miserable

(5) The stretching mats

WTF are those people doing?

My Blog Is Stupid - Bathrooms!!!

I'll never be able to write a good music blog - There are hundreds of reviewers out there who can do it much better than I can, and I think I should stick to a strength.

So i'll just start saying whatever comes to my mind - and here is the first thing. Bathrooms.

In the downstairs of Benson, there are bathrooms for women and men and the end of the hall by the AS office. At first glance they are very nice (I assume the women's bathrooms are nice). There are rows of sinks with laser sensitive faucets, paper towels are always in stock, the bathrooms are clean, and spacious.

But as any guy who has used these bathrooms knows, there is a problem - In each stall are Mark Foleyish comments scribbled into the walls about how to get a BJ in the handicapped stall. HAHA - But I'm not joking, its weird.

The truth of the writing on the wall is somewhat irrelevant - and I'll tell you its pretty graphic and detailed - there are listed instructions for how this activity is supposed to take place. So it gets pretty weird when you're sitting in a stall, minding your own business, and someone comes in and takes one, maybe the one next to you - because this writing starts to make you paranoid. You think, "Is that the person writing all this?" or "Am I about to be assaulted in this isolated bathroom?" You never know, because no one talks about these bathrooms. This is why the truth doesn't matter - the uncertainty hints at the possibility of truth and that puts all these paranoid Mark Foley I'm-tapping-my-foot-in-an-airport-bathroom thoughts circulating through your mind - it becomes terrifying.

I can't just say to the person relieving himself, "Hey, did you write all the BJ talk in the bathroom stalls?" That would be (a) very likely incorrect and (b) rude and (c) out of place and (d) awkward. But, someone has to say something - So I'll say it here, even if no one has a clue as to what I'm talking about or thinks I'm crazy. If you don't believe me - go look and see.

However, I will continue to use the bathrooms, because they are very clean, rarely used, and not that far from where I work.

Animal Collective

I think the theme of this whole blog will be centered around music, and what I've been listening to recently. To start:

Animal Collective

For the past couple weeks I have been unable to turn off the first track off of the album Merriweather Post Pavilion, titled In The Flowers. Animal Collective are difficult to describe because they have a way of changing their sound from album to album. I would describe their music as a mix between psychedelic, electronic, and indie rock. If you haven't heard of them, it will take some listening to getting in to, as one could easily make the claim that their music is, "F*cking weird." Try to get past the initial judgements of weirdness or strangeness or whatever, listen without analysis, take it in.

Some of the songs on the album are best for just listening to in a relaxing setting, others are perfect for starting out a run (My Girls), and others are good for singing along to (Brother Sport). All the tracks create some kind of sonic landscape over which melodies and leads are laid down - and while some of it may sound fully chaotic, its wonderfully put together and organized. Animal Collective seem to possess a great awareness of their songs as a whole - all the pieces fall into their proper places.

It's good stuff, and if I was piloting a ship into outer space, I would want them playing on my space headphones.

Unofficial Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYEAflCO4Eo

Music and Passion

Blogging

I will likely fail at blogging effectively and have very few interesting things to say.